Lessons About Community Learned From My Local Supermarket

Building a community around your business is difficult. Regardless of your industry, to lead the pack seems like a great and horrendous challenge. While I can’t turn it into a one-two-three process, I did realize something about communities while shopping at my local supermarket, Sav-a-Lot. I don’t know a lot, but let me share this little story with you.

Sav-a-Lot is not a one-store mom and pop shop, not anymore at least. It’s also not Wal-Mart Corporation huge. This particular brand is successful at building a community around it. In my case, it’s the only place I can buy my energy drinks (two a day, no more, no less), so I end up going there. Every. Single. Day. That’s one part of building a community we can all agree with: have a product or service others deem important or necessary.

So, I’m already heading into this supermarket every morning. My fiancé usually has a small list of items she wants me to pick up along with my drinks. Using coupons and doing basic math, she finds deals on items she would otherwise spend more on before driving home from working at Walmart. So we could say that part of building a community is: extending value beyond your own four walls.

I pick up these items, but sometimes my favorite flavor isn’t in the fridge where it’s supposed to be. Sometimes, I simply pick a different flavor, but other times I’m feeling selfish and ask one of the workers if there are any of my flavor in the back. And here is where our community-building story takes off. See, the first time I asked this, the employee looked at me, annoyed at the interruption (really dude, there’s three other flavors, come on). But, they went in the back, grabbed my two cans of preferred flavor, and went on their way. Aside from a look, there was no blow-back for my request. I understood that look, because I’ve given it to retail customers myself. In other words, and I’m not saying you should work for free, but this employee performed an extra task with little to no retaliation.

Being that my typical load is less than five items, I get annoyed when I’m behind a customer that just bought everything in the store. However, I also know that my timing was wrong. Had I left for the store 15 minutes earlier, I could be ahead of the crowd. So I never whine about being behind. A lot of times, a non-clerk employee will pull me to an empty register and help me out. I always make sure to tell them thank you. They smile, and tell me to stay safe or some other positive message.

But just yesterday, I realized a full exchange has happened between this store and myself. I had just pulled into the tiny parking lot, and an older gentleman with a full cart was not even off the sidewalk yet, but crossing the roadway. I had time to pull through without endangering the man, or anybody else, but I stopped and let him pass. Why? Because he was old? Because I’m not as alpha as other men? Maybe, but that doesn’t explain some actions I’ve taken in Wal-Mart’s parking lots.

When my hands aren’t too full, and I see a cart out of place (in-store or in the parking lot), I get them out of the way for others, people I will never see and will never know a non-employee took care of something. Why? It’s not for ego.

I don’t spend a lot of time smiling or trying to impress people outside of my writing and artwork. But, when I’m at Sav-a-Lot, I smile a lot. I laugh too, even at the bad jokes employees and other customers say. Am I just being a different person in public, for the people of Sav-a-Lot? Well, yes…but only because the store and its employees let me feel like I belong there. And I think, as a hustling freelancer, as a busy artist, as a person who knows how hard it can be to build a community, that this last part is the most important part of doing so.

Have you had trouble, or success, building a community around your company or brand? Let me know in the comments, I’d love to hear your story!

Quick Recap

·       have a product or service others deem important or necessary

·       extend value beyond your own four walls.

·       perform an extra task with little to no retaliation, though not for free

·       never whine about being behind- everybody starts further back than someone else

·       help me out- or I won’t want to do anything for you

·       always make sure to say thank you

·       tell me to stay safe or have some other positive message

·       let me feel like I belong here

James Neal writes fantasy, both novel-length (Of Blood and Blade) and shorter stories (Paints the Invisible Eye).

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Ferguson, Mo: After the Grand Jury Decision

Let me be perfectly clear, this is my opinion about the recent events in Ferguson, MO. The point of this post is to start/continue a worthwhile conversation that goes beyond Race Wars. While I have fact-checked, these are my thoughts on the lessons we should be focusing on.

The Darren Wilson Grand-Jury Decision:

On social media, I stated that if we are going to have a justice system, then we need to believe in it and accept the decisions which arise from its use. The patriotic part of me holds fast to that idea. Deep within me however, I feel that Mr. Wilson squeaked past a trial simply because he was at the epicenter of a situation that grew too hot, on the political scale, before justice could remain blind to all outside factors. At the end of the day, that decision has been made, and there is nothing left to do but learn from its implications.

Michael Brown- Thug or Gentle Giant?

We’ll never know for sure. We do know that on the day he was killed, Michael Brown was, at the very least, a thief. The idea presented by media that “Mike Mike” was a gentle giant were firmly rebuked on video. That he was on the path to graduating means a chance existed for him to outgrow whatever thuggish tendencies he was currently holding onto. Events prove, unfortunately, that he waited too long in making that particular decision.

The Second Round of Riots:

Just as in the first round, these new riots did nothing to help the case of Ferguson’s downtrodden. For all the peaceful protesters attempting to start a national conversation about abuse of power, class helplessness, and race, the rioters took all eyes away from these men and women and returned the national conversation back to believing we were dealing with mere savages in a backwater town. Brown’s parents expressly asked for violence not to be applied as part of their son’s swan song. These opportunists don’t give half a damn about Michael Brown’s death…they only care about their newly acquired sneakers and TV’s.

The Second Round of Police Vigil:

Obviously pre-planned and arguably necessary force, Ferguson’s police (and the National Guard

placed on duty) remained far more professional following the acquittal of Darren Wilson from trial. Despite the feel of being largely staged and practiced, the men and women in blue did their absolute best, in comparison to the first round, in what could only be a bad situation.

The Timing of the Grand Jury’s Decision’s Press Release:

The timing of the release of Wilson’s grand-jury decision felt extremely staged. Especially when the National Guard gets called in early and set in place, obviously the politicians were expecting an outrage. I don’t know if I believe they timed it this way to encourage Ferguson’s citizens to riot as some conspiracy theorists feel, but something was definitely funny about it all. Jay Nixon, Barack Obama, and Prosecutor Bob McCulloch were certainly following scripts for whatever reason. I’m sure more conspiracy theories will come into play soon.

What is the Lesson Hiding in Ferguson, MO?

I still believe Ferguson shows us more about class disparity than blatant racism. Beyond even that though, I think the closing of Michael Brown’s case proves that the people of America need a reminder in taking responsibility for their own actions. In Ferguson, it feels like NOBODY involved held themselves accountable for the myriad of mistakes made, cloak and dagger antics used, or riots that ensued.

What kind of lesson are the young (presumably impressionable and angry) people in Ferguson of the world supposed to learn as of right now? When even the people in business suits and cop uniforms won’t say, “Yeah, I could have handled this in a better manner.”?

How else do we expect them to act when the grown-ups they live with and around steal stuff and start fires just because the opportunity presents itself?

Yet…we keep saying that “they” need to do better. “They” should get jobs. “They” should act in a civil manner.

WE need to step up, all of us, in taking responsibility for our actions and be constantly held accountable at all levels for our duties. In the process of doing right ourselves, every time, we can show “them” exactly what we expect from them as part of society.

This time, in Ferguson, MO, we failed them all in every way, at every level, with every step. How else, then, could we really expect them to react?

The "Team Douchebag" Dilemma

I just read Chris Kluwe’s antagonistic attack on the group of people behind the hashtag, #Gamergate. You know what? I give up.

I don’t support any group anymore.

I don’t support the Christians because only those who are fanatical and dangerous get any screen time. I won’t support the atheists because, let’s face it, all you do is get antagonistic towards Christians and Catholics, but somehow you’re okay with Buddhism. I won’t support the LGBT community past my own personal friends anymore, because you use the exact same scare tactics that “normal” people use to make us afraid of you. I don’t support the current US government because, let’s face it folks, they don’t like anybody anymore. Maybe terrorists. That might be pushing a little, I don’t know anymore.

Bad Plan James, Bad Plan

Yep, and don’t think I’m unaware. But I need you to hear exactly what I’m saying. Until groups stop using the same tactics that men in power used against blacks, then women, then LGBT, I’m not listening to you anymore. Each of you seems to have a great message to improve the quality of the human condition…until you fall into the very trappings of intimidation and name-calling used to keep you down.

Yes, I’m white. Yes, I’m a male. Yes, there is a stereotype, perpetuated by YOUR GROUPS, saying I’m obviously a small-dicked, small-minded, overly-educated swine rolling in a mountain of money…but I can’t use the electrochemical signals in my nervous system for anything more than looking up keywords for porn. Fuck you. Seriously…fuck you.

You know what though? It’s not even your fault. It’s human nature. “I’m being done wrong, so I’mma do wrong back until the system changes.” Except…how has that worked out for us thus far? Groups fight groups that fight groups that are fighting groups.  Always has been, and it seems to be working out for us so far. Is it?

The Constant Fighting Needs to Stop

You know the current system isn’t working. You have to, when you’re in bed thinking about how to survive tomorrow, you know the system isn’t built for you. When you get on the computer and troll whatever douchebag is spouting off against your group, you’ve gotta know doing that won’t help anybody. Everything we do right now only lights the Chicago fire ever brighter, and friends, Chicago turned to white ashes ages ago. That’s what fighting fire with anonymous fire does…it creates a bigger fire which us pyros love to watch and it makes us feel better for a minute…but it doesn’t solve anything. Fighting doesn’t calm the spirit, name-calling literally does nothing but bring out the fight in everybody else. Am I getting through to you yet? No?

We’re ALL Douchebags Right Now

Chris Kluwe is a douchebag. I’m a douchebag, and you’re one, too. We are Team Douchebag, and never has there been a prouder group in the history of the planet. I can say this so I will say it, damn the consequences. As long as we can paint our enemies as evil, vilify them to the point that a few hundred to a few hundred thousand other douchebags agree with me, saying this is okay. Cause I’ve got numbers behind me. That is tribalism at its absolute worst. America and yes, the rest of the world, is ripe with douche-baggery, and it’s so common as to be accepted as part of societal norms. Our news uses it, every internet forum uses it, and we use it when we discuss matters among our friends and neighbors. We count on tribalism to keep us safe.

It’s working. You are certainly safe in most cases. But, like everything else humans seem to touch, we take it too far. We make threats to each other. Cause another tribe harm because otherwise, they might harm us. Or, worse yet, they can’t do anything about it. Our game is about fucking other tribes so hard they can’t even retaliate. Survival of the fittest, right?

Humiliation. Laws. Logic. Science. Death. Bodily harm. Threats. These are the tools that modern tribes use against each other in the grand chess game currently unfolding around us. Black pieces vs white pieces vs purple pieces vs rainbow colored pieces vs red white and blue pieces vs every damned color piece under the planet. Only one tribe can be right. Right? Tribes equal labels, people. And, as we have already discovered, labels are lacking in details.

What if we only had one label for each other? I’ve decided we’re all douchebags, but that isn’t even quite fitting, is it? Is it? What if we were all just people? What if every law was written for people? Not for/against women, blacks, whites, Asians, LGBT, Senators, Republicans, Catholics, Christians, Conservatives, Liberals, Donkeys, Elephants, military, law enforcement, criminals, the mentally ill, atheists, gamers, or any other label under the sun? Without labels, would the world work better? Worse?

Unfortunately, I don’t have that answer. What I do know, is the current system isn’t working. And so do you. So does Chris Kluwe. So do the members of #Gamergate. None of us should be so entitled to think we can vilify an umbrella name, a tribe…when there are individual people in that tribe who simply don’t fit under one label, who aren’t in just one situation.

Yet, Team Douchebag acts like the most entitled, small-minded prick on the planet. No, not acting…living the worst possible stereotype in the history of the planet. We can do better, people.

Lessons from America's "Darkest Day"

With all that I owned, I traversed the streets of Phoenix, AZ, making my way to the Greyhound bus station on America’s darkest day: September 11, 2001.  I was leaving Phoenix for reasons beyond my control.  Simply put, I needed to get home to Missouri (again), in order to get my head straight.

I wasn't paying attention.  Two times before reaching the bus station, someone said something about America being under attack.  If I’m honest with you…I figured they were talking about some political so-and-so going at some political point of interest.  I didn't care.  I was caught up in my own world, my own problems, and my own life.

Upon entering the Greyhound hub, I noticed all the TV’s were on the same channel.  It looked to be a news feed, but the images on the screen weren't real…planes were crashing into buildings in New York?  Ha!  Never gonna happen, folks.  Boy, how wrong I was that day.

The Hardest Lesson

An attack on America was the farthest thing, I think, from anybody’s mind up until the first plane struck the Trade Center buildings.  A complete surprise.  Weren't we…invulnerable?  Who would dare?  We were the WORLD police.  Our military was the best.  We had every possible attack angle covered.  No, we didn't trust our government, but they did protect us from all the other government and military boogeymen, right?

Well, we know the answer now.  We can be targeted.  We can be hurt.  We can have scars eleven years deep carved into our society.  That was America’s lesson.  The one we had forgotten after so many years of nigh perfect safety from foreigners. 

However, we breathed in deep and…

Beat the Chest

The screams still haunt New York’s collective mind, I’m sure, along with the shattering of glass, steel, and concrete on a sunny day.  At one point though, the noises did stop, and so did the tears…just long enough to come out of the shock and demand retribution.

Retribution…another term we had become unfamiliar with using.  Oh, I know, the movies revolve around the idea, but in reality, our real world?  It was too strong a term.  Revenge, yeah, we’d seen revenge.  Retribution being demanded on a countrywide scale?  Really, what else could President George Bush do but answer America's call?  Say what you will about the politics that followed into the war…there was no other decision.  Any other person in office would have done the exact same thing…or America would have seen them step down.

So we beat our chests, we beat our drums, we looked at maps to know precisely where our troops were going and we pinned tacks into Afghanistan.  We cursed turbans and robes and spit out Al Qaeda like a fluent curse word.  We sang war songs; we cheered our celebrities who whole-heartedly agreed with taking out aggression on the terrorists.  Then, as a Nation, we watched…

The Rockets’ Red Glare

Don’t deny it.  You know that infra-red glow coming off the TV screen as well as every other American.  We WATCHED those bombs go off.  Over, and over, and over, and over again.  Penance, RETRIBUTION, was ours…until finally…

Our Humanity Returns

As a nation, we tired of the bombs.  The death statistics weren't exciting anymore.  Our public enemy #1 still hadn't been captured, or killed.  We’d done our crying, our chest-beating, and public outcry.  We’d watched so many bombs we could almost name them on sight.  Our anger was subsided…not gone…but it was time to move on.

We started talking other things: sports, the weather, bad reality TV shows.  We started DOING things again.  Other things became important, over time…gay rights, how our own government was doing things- and how they should do things; we saw in people the best that we knew how to see.

Unfortunately, we also saw the evil in certain kinds of people…even if it wasn't there.  While intolerable, nothing is perfect, no one person or country is.  Never will be.  Because we aren't invulnerable, and we can be scarred.  America knows that, now; and we will…

NEVER FORGET

The sacrifice of our troops, our firefighters, the bravery of America as a whole for continuing to live an American life because we know, we KNOW… how important it is not to let any enemy force us to be anything but what we are.  That means accepting the good, the bad, the ugly, the bad politics, the good politics, the awesome movies and the bad reality TV shows (that still haven’t disappeared).  The straight people, gay people, interracial and special people.

And you know what?  Despite the horror that was 9/11, here’s the thing: in that moment, we fully understood that all must be accepted.  All must come together under one banner, one flag.  That’s slowly been eroding from our practice, again.  NEVER FORGET that we know better.  We've been through it, we shared our sorrows already.  Always remember that:

United We Stand, Divided We Fall.

James Neal is a professional freelancer and, honestly, pioneered the term “Greyhound Therapy.”  It is from his bus trips that he developed his sense of person, and was forced to understand that you must take the “good with the bad.”  You can find his page on Facebook here, or on Twitter @BloodandBlade.  Stop by and say hello…so he’ll stop begging to spend the night…!

THIS WAS ORIGINALLY POSTED ON ROOSTERWORDS.COM, IN 2012. WHILE ROOSTERWORDS NO LONGER EXISTS, I COULD NOT LET THIS POST DIE IN THE ETHEREAL GRAVEYARD.